To who this phrase is towards I have no clue.
David? Possibly.
Drew? Possibly.
Both? Most likely.
I am so confused by my feelings right now. If David would just make up his mind maybe things would be easier on my. If he does want to be with me then I can focus on who to choose, if he doesn't then I can focus on moving on. On being with someone that treats me like a princess.
I know what you are thinking "how can you want to be with someone that is toying with your emotions?" I ask myself the same question each day. 3 years is a long time. You cannot not just let go of that much history. I might be in love with him for forever.
Even if I have or have not met my "Mr. Right" yet I will always have feelings for David. We went through so much together. Probably too much. Yes he did start acting different towards me the last few months of our relationship, but we didn't have very much couple time anymore. We never communicated.
It hurts. To look at every picture and to think of every memory. This is my first Christmas I am going to be celebrating without him. When I realized that yesterday it really hurt. I don't mind Christmas all that much, but to realize that I am going to be without him for the first time in 3 years. This would have been my 4th Christmas with him.
Poor Drew. I hurt him so bad. I feel terrible. I still have so many feelings for him and I cannot replace them now. Dating is not an option for me at this point in time. I wish there was some way to forget all the good memories of David. Maybe my decision wouldn't be so difficult.
Like Drew keeps telling me. Love DOESN'T go away over night. Not even over a month. I never knew that you could be in love with two people at once. I really wish I wasn't. I wish that I could figure things out. It would be so much easier on me. The pain is hard right now, but I am staying strong for Brodey.
That is all who really matters is my son. I need to make sure he is safe and healthy and happy before I can focus on my feelings. Time to myself at this point is the best. It gives me time to think and try to figure out my feelings. I have so many thoughts and feelings running through my head right now. So many what ifs.
Life can be so tough at times. I wish this decision was easier. I wish I could just take a nap, wake up, and have everything all figured out. But that would make life simple. And that is impossible. If someone finds some way to make life simpler, PLEASE contact me.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Love lost.
So I decided to make a new blog because my old one was all about my now ex-boyfriend david. Even the email was about him.
Some background...
I was with David for 3 years and 3 months exactly. The last few months of our relationship was....well beyond perfect. Rocky at best. We had our good times, but for some reason this past summer he just changed. He acted like I was nothing to him. We broke up once on July 3, but got back together on the 4th.
I tired so hard all summer long. God knows I tried, but it just seemed pointless. His attitude did not change no matter what I did. He seemed very irritated with me anymore. His friend Drew and I started talking and hanging out and it just felt right. It was nice to, for once, have someone call me beautiful.
One night David and I got into a huge fight and we broke up. I started dating Drew the next day. I jumped into the relationship so I could push aside all feelings I had for David. I wanted to get over him and for the most part I did. Within 2 weeks we were engaged. Was I rushing? Yes, but at the time I thought it was all perfect.
A week later I broke down crying after deleting all the photos of David and I. That is when it finally hit me. Three weeks after we broke up. I cried in Drew's arms over David. At that point I started thinking about everything.
I told Drew that Sunday we rushed into it and we postponed the wedding. A week later (this past Sunday) I broke up with him. I just couldn't handle it. I am NOT over David. Will I ever be? That is the question I keep asking myself.
For as amazing as Drew is I just couldn't handle it anymore.
David and I agreed to be friends for Brodey's sake. He says he has feelings for me, but I just cannot quite tell. He kissed me yesterday. It makes me feel so confused. He says he wants to be with me, but needs time. I totally understand that. I mean I did pretty much leave him for his FRIEND, but toying with my feelings is getting both of us no where.
I suppose I should just think about everything and move on? Drew really is amazing......I just need my time to think about things and get over David.
I will admit that this whole thing hurts like a bitch, but there is not much I can do. I cannot force David to be with me. I just miss the old times I guess. What is weird is to see him texting other girls and hearing about his dates. But I guess it was probably weird to hear that I was engaged to someone else.
I really thought he was the one I would grow old with. I used to picture our wedding and our lives together and it just seemed so perfect. I guess that is why it is called a day "dream". We had our good times, but it seems to me that the time we had together just came to an end all too quickly.
I will always love David.
Some background...
I was with David for 3 years and 3 months exactly. The last few months of our relationship was....well beyond perfect. Rocky at best. We had our good times, but for some reason this past summer he just changed. He acted like I was nothing to him. We broke up once on July 3, but got back together on the 4th.
I tired so hard all summer long. God knows I tried, but it just seemed pointless. His attitude did not change no matter what I did. He seemed very irritated with me anymore. His friend Drew and I started talking and hanging out and it just felt right. It was nice to, for once, have someone call me beautiful.
One night David and I got into a huge fight and we broke up. I started dating Drew the next day. I jumped into the relationship so I could push aside all feelings I had for David. I wanted to get over him and for the most part I did. Within 2 weeks we were engaged. Was I rushing? Yes, but at the time I thought it was all perfect.
A week later I broke down crying after deleting all the photos of David and I. That is when it finally hit me. Three weeks after we broke up. I cried in Drew's arms over David. At that point I started thinking about everything.
I told Drew that Sunday we rushed into it and we postponed the wedding. A week later (this past Sunday) I broke up with him. I just couldn't handle it. I am NOT over David. Will I ever be? That is the question I keep asking myself.
For as amazing as Drew is I just couldn't handle it anymore.
David and I agreed to be friends for Brodey's sake. He says he has feelings for me, but I just cannot quite tell. He kissed me yesterday. It makes me feel so confused. He says he wants to be with me, but needs time. I totally understand that. I mean I did pretty much leave him for his FRIEND, but toying with my feelings is getting both of us no where.
I suppose I should just think about everything and move on? Drew really is amazing......I just need my time to think about things and get over David.
I will admit that this whole thing hurts like a bitch, but there is not much I can do. I cannot force David to be with me. I just miss the old times I guess. What is weird is to see him texting other girls and hearing about his dates. But I guess it was probably weird to hear that I was engaged to someone else.
I really thought he was the one I would grow old with. I used to picture our wedding and our lives together and it just seemed so perfect. I guess that is why it is called a day "dream". We had our good times, but it seems to me that the time we had together just came to an end all too quickly.
I will always love David.
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