Im missing your love...

To who this phrase is towards I have no clue.
David? Possibly.
Drew? Possibly.
Both? Most likely.

I am so confused by my feelings right now. If David would just make up his mind maybe things would be easier on my. If he does want to be with me then I can focus on who to choose, if he doesn't then I can focus on moving on. On being with someone that treats me like a princess.

I know what you are thinking "how can you want to be with someone that is toying with your emotions?" I ask myself the same question each day. 3 years is a long time. You cannot not just let go of that much history. I might be in love with him for forever.

Even if I have or have not met my "Mr. Right" yet I will always have feelings for David. We went through so much together. Probably too much. Yes he did start acting different towards me the last few months of our relationship, but we didn't have very much couple time anymore. We never communicated.

It hurts. To look at every picture and to think of every memory. This is my first Christmas I am going to be celebrating without him. When I realized that yesterday it really hurt. I don't mind Christmas all that much, but to realize that I am going to be without him for the first time in 3 years. This would have been my 4th Christmas with him.

Poor Drew. I hurt him so bad. I feel terrible. I still have so many feelings for him and I cannot replace them now. Dating is not an option for me at this point in time. I wish there was some way to forget all the good memories of David. Maybe my decision wouldn't be so difficult.

Like Drew keeps telling me. Love DOESN'T go away over night. Not even over a month. I never knew that you could be in love with two people at once. I really wish I wasn't. I wish that I could figure things out. It would be so much easier on me. The pain is hard right now, but I am staying strong for Brodey.

That is all who really matters is my son. I need to make sure he is safe and healthy and happy before I can focus on my feelings. Time to myself at this point is the best. It gives me time to think and try to figure out my feelings. I have so many thoughts and feelings running through my head right now. So many what ifs.

Life can be so tough at times. I wish this decision was easier. I wish I could just take a nap, wake up, and have everything all figured out. But that would make life simple. And that is impossible. If someone finds some way to make life simpler, PLEASE contact me.